She ruined my party, and I owe her no apologies

DEAR HARRIETTE: I kicked my friend out of my birthday party because she was too rowdy, and now she’s expecting an apology from me.

I believe I am the one who deserves an apology. She was ruining my special day. She showed up drunk before the night even started and immediately caused trouble. It was so loud that my neighbors complained – twice.

I warned her that if she didn’t calm down, I should ask her to leave, but she didn’t listen.

She is now asking me to say that I am sorry for making her leave and embarrassing her. I refuse to apologize. What should I do?

rowdy friend

DEAR FRIEND RUDY: The greatest gift you can give this friend is to tell her the truth about what happened and the impact her behavior had on you, your guests and your neighbors.

You say she was drunk, so chances are she can’t clearly remember what happened at your party. Give it the blow-by-blow detail – and preferably in person.

Tell her how she behaved as soon as she arrived. Do your best to paint an accurate picture of what she did, how she interacted with others, and how you felt about it. Point out the many complaints from your neighbors. Name each of them. Make the scene as real as possible for her, so she can see it even if she can’t remember the details of the evening.

Advise him to get help. If you’ve seen her behave like this before, remind her of this incident. She won’t want to hear this, but it could help change her life.

Do not apologize. Tell the truth. If she tries to change the subject, tell her she needs to know because she needs to change the subject.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been seeing someone for a very short time. We met just a few weeks ago, and now we’re casually dating.

Their birthday is next week, and I’m not sure what to do. It seems too early to go all out for them and throw them a party or give them a gift.

How to celebrate the birthday of someone you are just getting to know?

Met just now

DEAR JUST MEETING: What do you remember about this person who stands out? Reflect on what you’ve learned about his personality and his interests, hobbies, or desires. What makes them click as far as you know so early in your relationship? You can give them a gift, but it doesn’t have to be expensive. What it may be is reflected.

I have an example, although it’s a bit different from a date. A friend of mine was celebrating her birthday and I wanted to give her something she would appreciate. I know how much she loves the color gold and the fact that she writes with pencils. So I gave her a pack of golden crayons. She loved it. Pencils cost around $10.

It’s really the thought that counts. Think about this person. Is it a date for ice cream? A walk in a nearby park? A book they have expressed interest in reading? Make it personal — but not intimate — that shows you cared.

Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send your questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Joseph K. Bennett